Oldies!

These are from an old journal that I kept but didn't keep very well! I made two entries in it and then lost it! Hope these make for interesting reading!

8/21/2008 1:11 AM

So it’s been a long week. So much going on, yet nothing is going on. Everything seems stagnant. Putrid. Stale. The repo job is really stressing me out. I’ve no time for anything but the will of NAME OMITTED FOR PRIVACY and the stupid company. All I do is work, eat, sleep and play on the new laptop. (didn’t spent too much on the laptop). I have little time for play or even just a nice, whole day to myself. That would be really nice to have just a day where I did nothing but stuff for myself. No agendas. No worrying about time frames for others; just a nice and peaceful day to myself.

Everything else that is stressing me out is the juggling of 3 boys, Deacon being one of them (H), Deacon (W), and a possible third, Clif. We’ll start with Deacon H. Looking back, I should’ve never led him to believe that there was ever going to be anything between us. I should’ve realized that I’m just a slut. I do not think that I have truly ever loved someone. Sex does not equal love to me. Just because I fuck someone does not automatically mean that I love them. I let him feel that we were going somewhere and had plans for the future. I never plan anything!!! Shit just happens or it doesn’t. I do totally enjoy Deacon H's company with the exception of his latest advances. I had thought that I had finally pushed him away enough to make him realize that there was never going to be as “us”. Then I fucked him in the tent while camping at Bear Lake over the 4^th of July weekend. Oops. It gave him ideas again.

Well since then I have found a nice boy, also Deacon W, UGH!!! He works at NAME OMITTED FOR PRIVACY, a pub near downtown. Nice guy for sure! Very polite and very good natured. He may not be the best looking guy in the city but his mind makes up for anything that he may lack in looks. He is trying to woo me and seems to be doing a very good job of it. So good on fact that Deacon H is a little upset that he is encroaching on his territory. Deacon H is jealous of the time that I spend with Deacon W. So to keep his jealousy to a minimum I just don’t tell Deacon H that I’m out with Deacon W. May not be the best idea so far seeing as lying thus far has gotten me into nothing but trouble. We’ll see how this goes. I’m not sure that Deacon W is right for me but I still can’t seem to shake him loose. All I really want is to date. I have never really dated boys, just fucked them! The only boy that I have ever really had any relationship with is Percy. Not a good reference point to base thing off of.

Onto the third. Clif is a guy that I met at a birthday party for one of Deacon H's friends.. Better looking than Deacon W for sure with the exception of his EDITED FOR PRIVACY. Clif began to salivate over me the moment that he noticed me. I enjoyed the attention. Deacon H did not. He literally rolled his eyes at Clif’s advances.. I kept my distance from Clif for the duration of the evening. I did not even get a phone number! I think that if I was alone that I would’ve advanced faster. So I left it at that and ended up looking Clif up on myspace and speaking to him a bit on there and eventually got his number.. We still have yet to meet again. He has been in Denver for work for almost two weeks now. I do look forward to meeting him again when he returns..

Ok that seems like a decent enough glimpse into my psyche for the evening/morning.

9/22/2008 2:05 AM

Yet another interesting weekend. First of all, Bret has been cut off. Mason had a gentleman caller this weekend. The gentleman’s name is Ken. He’s a nice guy. I don’t have enough time to tell much more about him. Anyhoo, Brett began to harass Ken about spending the night in Mason’s bed. Frankly, that is none of Brett’s business. Ken told him to go to hell as did the rest of us. Brett tried to show up this morning and apologize for his actions. Not gonna fly. He’s done, yet again. Woot!

I finally got Clif to hang out with us this weekend. Deacon seemed cordial, seemed. The evening wound down and Clif invited me to spent the night at his place. I obliged. Deacon got upset, again along the lines of “not his business”. I sent him a nasty text and promptly shut my phone off. He was seriously bent over that. The evening with Clif went well. We didn’t fool around, just slept. We slept quite late in fact. We did kinda mess a little bit but not to the extreme of my usual “sleepovers”. He’s a good guy. He was very in tune with Deacon’s acting out. I kinda went into the details of the trio’s relationship. He seemed a little put off by it, not sure exactly. He is way too much like myself that it’s kinda scary. We’ll see how he goes.

After waking up and getting dropped of back at the Deacon H residence I got dressed and cleaned up and the trio went to this exhibit downtown. It is cadavers that have been seriously preserved and posed in multiple stages of dissection. It was very cool. We are totally going again!! It was awesome, I had never seen anything like it before. We are totally taking a larger group next time. *sigh* time for bed. I’ve gotta start this typing thing earlier!