Well I have been trying to stay positive about life but the entropy of the universe keeps dragging the happiness down to the depths of hell. Too bad nothing stays constant. The world is in a constant flux. The grass keeps growing, metal rusts and even the mountains are constantly chiseled away by the elements. I guess the only thing that stays constant is the fact that nothing stays the same for very long. It all falls down around your ankles at some point and it is never just once; it is a perpetual battle to keep things together.
Case in point in my life: my vehicle. My mode of transportation. I have not loved this little car as much as I have loves others. I honestly don't take care of it like I have previous cars, until recently that is to say. It struck me as things were falling apart and in need of replacing that I realized that I need to take better care of it. When the registration was due this last time it hit me that the tires were bald and the windshield was not only chipped but cracked. Who really has money for these things on top of actually covering the registration fees? Luckily I had a good friend that had some extra income and he was able to help me out along with having a few payment deferrals on my car loan. Well, at this point I now owe that wonderful friend about $400 (which he is being VERY patient with me about), the heater core is shot ($250 for the part, about the same for the labor to install) and the brakes are toast. It is a good thing that I am able to change the brakes out myself with the loan of a few tools and maybe another hand or two but the heater core is the bane of my existence existence. It is currently leaking coolant into the cabin and leaving this superb film on my windows.
Attaining the part may not be too bad after saving pennies but the cost of labor to have it done somewhere I'm sure will be outrageous and actually doing it myself seems like a daunting task. To get to the core you will need sophisticated drilling equipment and a team of 50 able bodied men just to dismantle the dash. After that it honestly looks like a piece of cake. I once had a thought to take the stereo out of my car and started to inspect how the dash came apart. Just to get to the stereo you have to start at the seams for the doors because everything is overlapped and screwed and clipped together. Should be entertaining.
After all of this I see that it really takes a lot effort to keep everything balanced but after examining this I realize that I myself am VERY unbalanced and need to do some major work to keep the entropy at bay. Baby steps. I guess the first one would be to see that there is a problem.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Saturday, August 7, 2010
So I have taken a step back and looked deeply into my life. I think I have realized that the only person that can make me happy is me. I don't need a specific someone to fill in the gaps; I need to fill them in for myself before I turn to another to complete me. I've been searching the city for someone to make me happy but it took a long hard look at myself to make me see that I am the only person that can fix what is wrong with me. It really is no wonder that I have chased off so many people; I'm a complete and total mess. It may not show too much on the outside but when I let my walls down and allow someone access they see me for what I am they tuck their tail an run.
I'm not saying that I should be admitted to a psych ward but I do need to fix a few things. For so long I have yearned for my big dreams to come true but have always been let down because I cannot and have no means to make it happen. We as humans can really achieve greatness but only make things change if they themselves allow it. Your dreams can only come true if you make them come true. It is a long and difficult road but it will happen. I'm not saying that we all can me millionaires and have fancy houses and fast cars but you can at least be happy and comfortable with who you are.
They should really teach these skills in school. I think that education is almost a waste. Schools are teaching algebra and proper grammar but where is the common sense class? Why isn't this taught to our children? Our education system is flawed. Most of what I learned in school I never use in my daily life. Sure, basic algebra comes into play occasionally as well as spelling and grammar but why aren't life skills taught? The life skills I have soaked in have only really been taken in within the last decade. If I was taught in school how to manage my finances and how to make adult decisions like picking the right vehicle and living within your means I probably would not be in the financial situation I am in now. Why as children are we not groomed for excellence as a human? I think that that concept alone should be a higher priority than making sure you can solve for X.
As I now gaze over our beautiful city and see the mountains I see how far we have come as a race but we still have so far to go. I will try to apply that knowledge to myself. I really have come a long way in life but only now see that there is still an arduous journey ahead to reach where I want to be. Sure, I can take passengers but I am in the driver seat. I would hope that others see this and that they will make themselves better to make everything better. We don't need to fight wars over land and religion, there is plenty of space for us all and the diversity of beliefs is what makes us all individuals. Life shouldn't be a competition for a stronger foothold, it should be everyone working together for a greater good. There is so much that we do not know about ourselves and the world around us, why do we bicker over petty things?
I'm not saying that I should be admitted to a psych ward but I do need to fix a few things. For so long I have yearned for my big dreams to come true but have always been let down because I cannot and have no means to make it happen. We as humans can really achieve greatness but only make things change if they themselves allow it. Your dreams can only come true if you make them come true. It is a long and difficult road but it will happen. I'm not saying that we all can me millionaires and have fancy houses and fast cars but you can at least be happy and comfortable with who you are.
They should really teach these skills in school. I think that education is almost a waste. Schools are teaching algebra and proper grammar but where is the common sense class? Why isn't this taught to our children? Our education system is flawed. Most of what I learned in school I never use in my daily life. Sure, basic algebra comes into play occasionally as well as spelling and grammar but why aren't life skills taught? The life skills I have soaked in have only really been taken in within the last decade. If I was taught in school how to manage my finances and how to make adult decisions like picking the right vehicle and living within your means I probably would not be in the financial situation I am in now. Why as children are we not groomed for excellence as a human? I think that that concept alone should be a higher priority than making sure you can solve for X.
As I now gaze over our beautiful city and see the mountains I see how far we have come as a race but we still have so far to go. I will try to apply that knowledge to myself. I really have come a long way in life but only now see that there is still an arduous journey ahead to reach where I want to be. Sure, I can take passengers but I am in the driver seat. I would hope that others see this and that they will make themselves better to make everything better. We don't need to fight wars over land and religion, there is plenty of space for us all and the diversity of beliefs is what makes us all individuals. Life shouldn't be a competition for a stronger foothold, it should be everyone working together for a greater good. There is so much that we do not know about ourselves and the world around us, why do we bicker over petty things?
Friday, August 6, 2010
The Amazing Body
It really is a pretty cool thing that your body does when it has just had enough. The physical pain that comes from no injury other than mental stress. I don't know if I am the only one in the world or not that experiences this; I'm sure I'm not. When I am stressed my body manifests it with acne breakouts, sore muscles, headaches and nightmares.
Today I experienced my first migraine. I really don't think that I have ever had one before. I'm sure I would have remembered the pain. I wok up this morning and the sound of the shower running and the lights in the bathroom literally put me to the floor in agony. I vomited shortly afterward. I couldn't even force myself to sleep after that. I just curled into a ball and wanted to die. This carried on for about 5 hours in between bouts of dry heaving. It was not a pleasant experience.
I'm sure we all have different ways of carrying our stress and worries. My body's favorite way is to store it in my shoulders, neck and back. They get so tense that I feel like I have been lifting heavy objects or was in a massive car accident. I probably shouldn't let my stresses build up so much but it is a hard habit to break. I tend to bottle things up until I explode. I'm usually better after doing so though but someone usually catches the brunt of it and they run away screaming.
I'm not getting on here to talk about my woes and worries only because it would be one hell of an epic blog post and I really feel that everyone probably has the same problems. I was just amazed at how your body physically reacts to these things.
Today I experienced my first migraine. I really don't think that I have ever had one before. I'm sure I would have remembered the pain. I wok up this morning and the sound of the shower running and the lights in the bathroom literally put me to the floor in agony. I vomited shortly afterward. I couldn't even force myself to sleep after that. I just curled into a ball and wanted to die. This carried on for about 5 hours in between bouts of dry heaving. It was not a pleasant experience.
I'm sure we all have different ways of carrying our stress and worries. My body's favorite way is to store it in my shoulders, neck and back. They get so tense that I feel like I have been lifting heavy objects or was in a massive car accident. I probably shouldn't let my stresses build up so much but it is a hard habit to break. I tend to bottle things up until I explode. I'm usually better after doing so though but someone usually catches the brunt of it and they run away screaming.
I'm not getting on here to talk about my woes and worries only because it would be one hell of an epic blog post and I really feel that everyone probably has the same problems. I was just amazed at how your body physically reacts to these things.
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